I think your dog and mine are related - that whole licking the floor thing is so bizarre. YAY!!! <3, Oh my god, I went through so many tissues reading this. But you’ll wish it … This made me laugh so. At this moment I am doing the 'hide the treat under the cup' test and my dog is failing horribly. This is AMAZING. We didn't anticipate it being a problem because it hadn't been in the past, but as soon as our dogs set foot in the house, they morphed into perfectly engineered floor-destroying machines. I am so glad you wrote about simple dog again! We had a terrible time with my dog when I was growing up, because it turned out that he was deaf. my black lab does that weird licking thing, too. Go figure.Anyway, your dog sounds a lot like one my family had when I was a kid. Check out all of the amazing designs that Hyperbole and a Half has created for your Zazzle products. Your drawing skills are fantastic. But don't they bring so much joy? this is sad and cute all at the same time! This is great! And he could handle stairs and locate treats. The other one is entirely TOO smart. Unlike my other dog who is mostly Evil, who I somehow manage to love like a parent with a teenager who keeps getting brought home in a police car.I will hug my dopey dog in honor of today's post. Over the ensuing few days, she slowly descended into psychological chaos. Wonderful! Adding to the Debbie Downer club - Licking the floor like that is a good sign of a neurological imbalance. haha i love this! This is completely brilliant, love it. I was beginning to feel  very proud of her. her father is also her grandfather and her head is smaller than her neck. =D. Luckily the husband choose to drive that car while I took the dogs.Sucker. P.S. Hyperbole And A Half Dog Eee On Hyperbole And A Half Dog Eee Sale . Why do I ever read this blog while I'm at work? Oh this post is priceless! Ah, they're so great.After your dog started licking everything, did she gag or throw up? "She also chewed rocks. My dog answers to his name and does stairs all right, but he can't get out from under a blanket to save his life. It was the only way. also, hysterical. :DDDDD IM SO HAPPYYY FOR THIS POSTTT HAHA, You're my number one reason for procrastination! It's so familiar to me--my hound mix is too retarded for words, but I wouldn't trade her for anything. "You're making noise!" Give the poor thing time to get the stairs. I know that Reddit is pretty against reposts, but this is at least 7 years old and a lot of people haven't seen it. Once again, I laughed until I cried. 'Cause I have a whippet and you totally just described my dog. Once there, he'd screech to a halt, look around like "huh?" They started sprinting as fast as they could for absolutely no reason - skittering around in circles to avoid running into the walls. You're dogs are insane, I wouldn't be able to handle that. Awesome :)As for the hardwood floors -- have you considered something like these: http://www.softpaws.net/colors.html ? But she was a fine and funny dog. You've clearly been working on your art skills too! one of my dogs would pass this test even though she is definitely retarded. Retarded dogs are still cuddly :). Oh Allie! When I tell him to stop he takes one last extra long lick. my old dog maggie was like that. "I'm making noise!" The part about the dog wanting to please you was heartbreaking! New post! Love it! And go swimming in a lake, then forget how he got in, and we'd have to climb in to pull him out... Oh my god, I loved this! You just have to be super patient, she will learn something eventually! This SPOT ON! By the time we were ready to begin the first part of our two-day journey to Oregon, she seemed almost entirely convinced that she was going to die at any moment. A sort of "FU.". Oh, and btw, the positive-feedback loop reference was pure joy for us system dynamics types. You're dog is adorable. Oh, poor puppy! I know this because my boyfriend Duncan and I moved from Montana to Oregon last month. My dog does the "offer fifteen behaviors in the hope that one of them is what you want" thing. And then she'll try to lick you :P. I lol'ed hard... but there wasn't any blue this time? Too funny. She walked around it once and then looked up at me like I was some sort of wizard. I also recommend Patricia McConnell's books on training and behavioral issues over Cesar. Our other dog is a neurotic German shepherd mix with agonizingly low self-esteem who has taken on the role of "helper dog" for our simple dog. I kind of find her condition endearing. All the best to you and your pup! I have two dogs. And welcome to Oregon, btw. I too have a dog that licks. Your posts never fail to amuse me and make my day xD Thanks.Your dog sounds suspiciously like mine: he refuses to see why he can walk up the stairs when being carried is a perfectly acceptable option. Enjoy Oregon! P! So glad to see a new post. This was most definitely the case with the booties. My head hurts from laughing so hard! She spent the entire car ride drooling and shaking uncontrollably. YAY a new post!!11onehundredelevenoneoneoneoneoneyou.are.beyond.hilarious. The simple dog just stood there and looked at me in a way that would suggest she didn't realize her legs still worked. I'm so excited!! I had a cat who used to fall upstairs but I think she was only doing that to make me feel better about MY klutziness! Great post. They are adorable and give you those sad puppy eyes, as if to say "I'm smart, mom. She tells … We tried the blanket test too, and she also just gave up and fell asleep. And I tested my dog. I think it's a symptom of his anxiety, leftover from having Very Bad previous owners. Hilarious! I am laughing and crying so hard I almost choked on my pita sandwich. Allie, how long did it take you to draw your dog so many times? Fun times. Hyperbole and a Half. And he's HAPPY ABOUT EVERYTHING! So for, what, 4 days? I think you also have my dogs at your house as well. So each time I read "helper dog" I inserted "kid" and each time I read "Simple dog" I inserted "neurotic cat. Triangle! I never laugh so hard as I do when I read your blog. If she's even reasonably housebroken (i.e. Thank you so much for making me laugh. Maybe she shouldn't have a dog". It's absolutely fabulous! Hyperbole and a Half is a hybrid blog/Journal Comic by Allie Brosh. I almost wonder if this wouldn't be better than owning the smartest dog in the world...This morning my dog lectured me very loudly for making her be outside.My punishment for ignoring said lecture? 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